


Fighting with soul

by cherryinvain



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 03:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryinvain/pseuds/cherryinvain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaejoong tries to patch things up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fighting with soul

_“You there?”_

_“Talk to me, I know you’re there…”_

_“Say something, I can hear you breathing.”_

_“I thought I’d better call first. I thought that—well, never mind what I thought, then.”_

Jaejoong hung up the phone.

 

***********

_(The day before)_

Jaejoong pushed Yunho to the side of the tent so they could be less visible to prying eyes. Fans were nowadays older and smarter. He sometimes swore they could even read his lips from miles away.

“So… how is he taking it? I don’t suppose he’s angry, it’s just something to make the fans happy,” he said, and then whispered, “he must know how fans love ‘Yunjae’ still.”

Yunho snorted. “You know how he is; he dislikes change when he thinks it’s unnecessary.  Why don’t you ask him yourself, though?”

“But you know I can’t. Not after…”

“You mean because of that time? How long are you going to keep this up?  You’d always patch things up, just call him already.”

Jaejoong remained silent for a couple of seconds. “I’m not sure I’ve forgiven him for leaving and then ignoring me. He knew we weren’t going to see each other for so long, didn’t he? Besides, why does it always have to be me who makes the first move?” he finished bitterly.

“Because you’re older, and supposedly wiser.  And you know that if you don’t, he’ll never do it first and this will only make you both miserable in the end. Is it worth keeping your pride?”

“It’s _not_ pride,” Jaejoong retorted. “Maybe things are meant to be like this. If he doesn’t care enough to do anything, I should just get over it and move on.”

Yunho raised an eyebrow. “ _Will_ you?”

Jaejoong sighed. “It’s annoying how you’re always right.”

Yunho just smiled.

 

***********

Jaejoong looked at his phone longingly. _Maybe he’ll call_ , he thought.   _Maybe he’ll apologise this time._

Deep down he knew it was wistful thinking. Yunho was right; he had always been the one to patch things up and some things were meant to happen a certain way or they would never happen at all.

He couldn’t even remember how that fight had started. It must have been for a stupid reason; they never fought for serious stuff. The only thing he did remember is how heartbroken he was when Changmin left his house, banging the door with all his might on the way out.  A few days later, Jaejoong was off to serve the country, without having the courage to say goodbye.

It was hard, letting go. Their bickering had become a habit, an integral part of his life. After all, Kim Jaejoong and Shim Changmin were the “soul fighter” couple. Fighting with soul. How fitting.

He’d lost count of how many times during the last few months he had started typing a text to talk about something random only to remember afterwards that they weren’t exactly in good terms. So he texted Junsu instead. Someone to tease. Someone to talk to when he felt like not really talking at all. But Junsu always answered back and sometimes talked too much and was worried. He didn’t need worrying. He needed his routine. And most importantly, sometimes he just needed Junsu to be Changmin.

 

***********

 

_“Give it back,” Changmin shouted, chasing after Jaejoong who had suddenly grabbed the remote control right from his hands._

_“Bite me,” Jaejoong playfully answered, running around his living room in circles._

_“STOP BEING A BABY HYUNG, I’LL HAVE TO HURT YOU!”_

***********

_“Changminnie, have you had your second kiss yet?” He sent the text adding a few ridiculous emojis._

_“Hyung honestly, if you’re so bored go google your name.” The reply came almost immediately._

_“Done already. Then I googled Jaemin and you should see what interesting results I got. I always knew you were a horny kid. I read this really interesting fic, wanna see?”_

_“I’d rather tear my nails out.”_

***********

 

_“Hyung, let’s watch a movie tonight!” Changmin’s voice came all excited on the phone._

_“A random one or you’ve chosen already?” Jaejoong hesitantly asked._

_“I chose!”_

_“Then nah…” he teased._

_“But WHY HYUNG, PLEASE!” Changmin protested._

_“If you’re asking me, it only means Yunho said no, and who knows what kind of scary ass weird movie it is this time. I’m still recovering from the last one you chose.”_

_“HYUNG, YOU SUCK.”_

_“I know.” Jaejoong chuckled. “Oh all right, you, come over and we’ll watch this thing. But if it turns out to be terrible, I swear I’ll spank your ass!”_

_“No hyung, you’ll see, it’ll be really good!”_

_“You said that the last time, too….”_

_“I’ll bring popcorn!”_

***********

 

_“Changmin… what are you doing?”_

_“Busy.”_

_“When will you not be busy?”_

_“When I’m done being busy.”_

_“Ha ha, funny.”_

_“Hyung what do you want?”_

_“Nothing.”_

_“Great, have a nice day then.”_

_“Changmin…”_

_“What?”_

_“Do you think I’m getting old?”_

_“……..”_

_“I saw a wrinkle…”_

_“It was just your idea, never mind it.”_

_“But you said the other day I was old as a grandpa.”_

_“Can’t you go bother Yoochun about this? He’s the expert in grandpa stuff.”_

_“ALL RIGHT, SEE IF I CARE NEXT TIME YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR BACK HAIR.”_

_“Good!”_

_“Asshole!”_

_“Grandpa.”_

_“I’m still bored.”_

_“I’m still busy.”_

_“Okay then, I’ll leave you, heartless human being.”_

_“My non-existent heart and I will be fine without you.”_

_“Now you’re just being cruel.”_

_“I wouldn’t know, I have no heart.”_

_“Weren’t you busy?”_

_“I STILL AM, HYUNG SHUT UP ALREADY, I’LL MESS THIS UP.”_

_Jaejoong laughed and closed the chat tab._

 

***********

 

_“Hyung, what are you doing?”_

_Jaejoong tried to speak while holding the phone close to his ear without using his hands. “Cooking, tell me quickly, I’ll drop the phone into the sink!”_

_“I’m coming over, I was just hungry, see you at your place hyung!”_

_“But—it’s a mess—don’t come yet, yah, Changmin, yaaaah!”_

_The sound of beep was the only thing left to hear._

***********

_“Changmin… I don’t feel so well.”_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“I’m lonely.”_

_“Where’s Yoochun?”_

_“Filming.”_

_“Where’s Junsu?”_

_“Rehearsing.”_

_“Where’s—”_

_Jaejoong was tired. “Oh stop it already; are you going to ask for every one of my friends? I called_ you _, didn’t I?”_

_“Sorry… but I’m kind of in the middle of something too.”_

_“I can hear noise, are you out with someone?”_

_“Just with Kyuhyun, but he’s in the bathroom now.”_

_“Ah…”_

_“Hyung, really, what is it?” There must have been something about Jaejoong’s voice that alarmed him. “Are you drunk?”_

_“Maybe… a little.” The truth was he had had loads to drink already but he wasn’t going to admit that._

_Changmin sighed. “All right, I’ll come over later, but promise you won’t kiss me again.”_

_“Hug?” Jaejoong asked hopefully._

_“Maybe, if you behave.”_

_“You’re the best dongsaeng in the world.”_

_“Of course I am. Do try to remember this, always.”_

 

***********

_They were both running like thieves being chased by the police until they finally reached Jaejoong’s place and went inside, locking the door immediately after._

_“I think they’ve lost us,” Jaejoong said out of breath._

_“What the hell is up with your fans, hyung, why do they follow you everywhere still?” Changmin was also breathless, but visibly pissed off._

_“You tell me, I don’t know what else to do anymore. At least they didn’t recognise you.”_

_“I’m not so sure, I think some might have, but they won’t tell if they know their own good.”_

_“Bahh, it’ll just start a few rumours and nothing more, just like always.”_

_They both threw themselves onto Jaejoong’s huge sofa and spent the next couple of minutes just lying there, catching their breaths._

_“I’m in the mood for wine,” Jaejoong said abruptly._

_“You said we’d have soju.” Changmin didn’t seem to agree with his mood._

_“Yes, but now I want wine.” Jaejoong was feeling playful._

_“But I don’t want wine, just bring me soju.” Changmin wouldn’t have it._

_“I don’t have any.” He shrugged._

_“Are you kidding me, you said you had some.” Changmin’s ears were slowly turning red and he got up in sitting position._

_“I lied.” Jaejoong smirked and put his arms under his head._

_“DON’T TELL ME YOU LIED ABOUT THE FOOD TOO!”_

_“What if I did?” Jaejoong said defiantly, sitting up._

_“Tell me you’re joking!” Changmin sounded desperate. “I haven’t even had a proper meal yet, I’m starving!”_

_“This is revenge because you made me pay for food the last time you decided to eat for a whole family of five! Serves you right now.”_

_Changmin grabbed a cushion from the sofa and started hitting him. “You— sneaky—stinky—terrible—”_

_Jaejoong grabbed another cushion and fought back as if his life depended on it. “How dare you—hit—your hyung—”_

_They were lying on the floor carpet a couple of hours later, relaxing after a good meal. Jaejoong had had some food around after all; kidding aside, it was never wise to hang out with starved Changmin._

_“Hyung do you still have that karaoke thing?”_

_“It’s in the basement, want to go play?”_

_“Yeah, but not your songs again, I know them by heart already. Let’s play some trot for the laughs.”_

_“Deal!”_

***********

 

The random happy memories started flooding, one after the other, at first uninvited but then welcomed like old time friends. It had been months since the last time he had allowed them to freely roam into his mind and it was hard to keep the tears from falling. Why had he let things turn so bad? Why hadn’t he called sooner?  Jaejoong knew Changmin had never been good with expressing his feelings; he’d shed many tears in order to come to terms with it in the past. He should let go of this silly grudge and help him come to him again.

_If he truly cared about me, he would do something instead of waiting for me_ , a little voice inside his head kept nagging. He hated that voice. It was the voice of his own insecurities, the voice of his loneliness. A part of him was drawn to misery and he allowed himself to dwell in it far more often than he should.

He had to do something before it was too late. Like an obsessed fangirl, he’d been searching for news every chance he got and he knew Changmin was going to join the police soon. He hadn’t dared ask Yunho to confirm the date because asking Yunho for more details would only ensure he’d feel inclined to “help” them and the last thing they both needed was external interference. No, they had to figure things out on their own, with no one coming in between.  Just like they always did, even when living together.

The problem was though… he had no idea what to do.

_How to get over the awkwardness?_

He had already tried calling, but clearly it wasn’t the way to go.

_Maybe he was in the bathroom and couldn’t speak, or it was a really bad moment._

Still, he didn’t feel like calling again. The moment was already lost.

He’d have to sleep on it.

 

***********

 

He slept on it, woke up on it, thought on it some more, gave vague hints to Yoochun about it, annoyed Junsu, avoided Yunho’s calls, pretended everything was fine, and nothing was working.  A whole week had passed since his resolve to contact Changmin again and he still hadn’t figured out what the best approach would be. November was just around the corner and Changmin would join the police and then it would be too late to do anything. He had to act before that.

_But this silly kid, I’ve called him once already, why isn’t he doing anything?_

He hoped for a reaction, just a little something to give him the green light. What if Changmin didn’t need him anymore? He had so many other good friends and he wasn’t sure he had much to offer that he didn’t have already. The public never knew about the fact they were still talking to each other and when they arranged to meet, they had to resort to serious ninja skills. Perhaps Changmin was all over that phase and didn’t see the point in maintaining a friendship that had practically been forbidden for years now and would be even harder to maintain during their years in the army.

Jaejoong didn’t have free time nowadays. His schedule was quite strict and he wasn’t allowed a smartphone when he was inside the unit; he could only use a simple phone to communicate with the outer world, and that, only when time permitted. He mostly texted with Junsu or Yoochun every once in a while to check up on them, or called his family. It felt like he had used the internet an eon ago, though it had only been a few weeks. He needed to check on news so badly, to see what _he_ was up to. Was he travelling? Was he busy? Anything that could perhaps explain why he hadn’t uttered a word in that phone call.

It was holding him back. The uncertainty. The feeling that it was all pointless. Changmin had probably moved on already and he’d only end up being annoying. Jaejoong hated feeling annoying.

 

***********

 

It happened unexpectedly.

Jaejoong got himself a nasty cold and as if it wasn’t enough he could barely talk and breathe through his nose, he also had high fever. Being the fool that he was, he had initially ignored the symptoms until he almost fainted and had to be carried to bed by a fellow soldier. He was shivering, coughing and all the bones in his body were hurting.

After spending a couple of days in a state of delirium, on the third day, his mum was allowed to come see him. Blessed creatures, mothers. She’d brought him his favourite soup to eat and also his phone so he could talk to the rest of the family. After she left, he started texting his friends in frenzy and without realizing, one of the texts went straight to Changmin’s number.

_“I’m better now, at least I can breathe through my nose!”_

 Jaejoong was mortified. What kind of idiocy propelled him to send that to _him_. He stared at the message for a good two minutes until suddenly, he saw that little envelope indicating there was a reply. Was he delirious again? He was almost scared to click on it.

_“Breathing through your nose, hyung?  So you’re a normal human now?”_

Why this little—

_“Hey, don’t talk back to your hyung. I was sick enough to die and breathing through the nose is much underrated, let me tell you.”_

He typed in a hurry and hit “send” without even thinking about it.

_“I’m glad you’re still alive, hyung. I’ve missed you.”_

Jaejoong looked at the phone and wanted to cry. Things were starting to clear up in his mind. He should have never doubted.

_“I called you the other day but you didn’t speak to me. Why?”_

He had to ask or he would die.

_“I was just surprised, that’s all. You hadn’t called in months. And then you said never mind and hung up.”_

_“I thought you just didn’t want to talk to me.”_

_“Why would you think that?”_

_“You never called me back. I thought you didn’t care anymore.”_

_“Thinking too much like always. You called from a public number. You hung up on me. I didn’t know if it’d be all right to call you on your number.”_

Jaejoong had indeed used a public number that time at the festival, having left his back in the unit. He wanted to bang his head on the wall. The misunderstanding was completely stupid and there was no point arguing over it.

_“Stop texting me and call me. I can use my phone now and I’m alone.”_

His phone soon rang. It was like the world’s best music.

“Hey…” he said hesitantly.

“So, what’s up? Are you sick?” Changmin said casually.

“Yeah, it was really bad for a couple of days but I’m a lot better now. Mum brought me my favourite soup!”

“That delicious chicken soup you cooked for me once?”

“Yeah, that one.”

There was a small awkward pause, before Jaejoong managed to ask what he’d been meaning to ask.

“So, you’re going soon, right?”

“Yes, the police. I’m enlisting on the same day as Siwon hyung. November 19th.”

“Ah… so close.  How are you feeling?”

“How am I supposed to feel? I don’t know. I don’t feel anything special. It’s just something to be done, not like I have much choice. _You’re_ doing it, it can’t be that hard.”

“Yahh. It is hard, don’t underestimate it. Although you’ll probably have things easier.”

“I don’t know, don’t care. It’s just a thing.”

“It’ll be forever until we see each other again. And we can’t even talk often.” Jaejoong was suddenly sad and he was sure it could reflect in his voice.

“Hyung I know you’re dying without me, but just hang in there for a couple of years and then you can have a beating from me again,” Changmin said, and then laughed.

“I miss you.” Jaejoong didn’t feel like laughing. His heart was sad.

“You haven’t changed at all, always a sap,” Changmin said jokingly, but Jaejoong could tell he was just trying to make things less awkward.

“But I do miss you,” he repeated. “And I’m sorry for leaving without saying anything.”

“It’s… okay, hyung. I didn’t say anything either. To be honest, I don’t remember why we fought, I completely forgot. I was so sure you’d call before you’d leave, but when you didn’t, I just waited. I knew we’d talk again one day.” Changmin sounded serious this time.

Jaejoong felt a lump forming in his throat. When Changmin wanted to, he could make his heart stop beating with just a few words. It was amazing, the power he had over him. For Changmin, everything was simple and sometimes it was contagious.

“Let’s talk when we get the chance, okay? I want to make fun of you when you realise you don’t fit your army pants. They don’t make pants for giants like you!”

He knew it was time to lighten up and let sleeping dogs lie. This was their way. This was how things made sense. They went on bickering for a while like old times and it was the most alive he had felt in ages.

 

***********

 

(2 years later)

 

Jaejoong wanted everything to be perfect. He’d been cooking all afternoon and going around his house doing chores. Usually he’d have someone over to do the heavy cleaning, but he was feeling so restless, he had to do everything himself.

_Anything to pass the time until the evening._

But soon everything was spot clean, food was ready, fridge was filled with soju bottles, the living room with candles and soft melodies.

He didn’t know what to do with himself. So he called Yoochun and kept him on the phone forever, until Yoochun got bored and said he had to go. Junsu was in the army and could rarely talk. Yunho out of reach, God knows where. Jaejoong suspected he had a girlfriend.  

 He started humming old TVXQ songs without realising it, in sync with the clock’s ticking. Tick, tack, tick, tack, stolen my soul, stolen my heart.

_Just an hour more_

Then suddenly, he heard his doorbell.

_It cannot be, it’s too early—_

He almost tripped on his own feet running to open the door. And there he was: his dongsaeng, tall and handsome as ever, with a big grin on his face. He went in, passing by open-mouthed Jaejoong, and closed the door behind them.

“There weren’t many fans this time, hyung, I got here easy enough,” he said, taking his beanie and coat off, acting like it hadn’t been a day since the last time he had been there. “I guess your popularity is wearing off. By the way, sorry I came early, I had time to spare. So, how are you? Long time, no see.”

Jaejoong attacked him with a hug, unable to say a word.

“Hyung, what the hell—” Changmin started, but then probably realised Jaejoong was crying and hugged back.

Jaejoong was happy. These were happy tears. He was used to hugging Yoochun and Junsu, but Changmin was a different case; he wasn’t the physical affection type. But sometimes he let him do whatever he wanted and Jaejoong was grateful for it. It was Changmin’s own way of showing he cared.

After a while, Jaejoong pulled away from the hug and wiped the tears from his eyes using his sleeve.

“You damn kid, I’ve missed you so much. Welcome back.”

“It is good to be back, hyung.”

Changmin smiled, his eyes lopsided like always.

Jaejoong beamed.

_He’s back. We’re back._

Life was good again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, nini. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
